Twitter, Best of Edition.

I’m sorry, but I’m a very funny person. You obviously know this already, since you’re reading my blog and all, but I figure you need some more proof. So here’s my greatest Twitter hits from the past week…or so.

Upon arriving home for the weekend…
Hey Friday at 5pm. Let’s make out. I’ll even let you get to second base.

Upon catching a bit of Star Wars on TV Saturday night, in the space of about five minutes…
Los Eisley space port. You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villiany. We must be cautious.

You don’t need to see his identification.

These aren’t the droids you’re looking for.

Fast ship? You’ve never heard of the Millennium Falcon?

She’s the ship that made the Kessel run in under twelve parsecs. She’s fast enough for you, old man.

FYI that exact same thing happens every time I watch Jaws, except about ten times worse. (It’s true.)

On Sunday:
In honor of March 8th, I’m taking all the Christmas music off my iPod. It made me feel accomplished for the weekend.

Spending Sunday worshiping at the Church(es) of Her Holy Home Maintenance, Repair, and Remodeling. Another trip to Lowe’s and Home Depot with Mom and Dad, in which I accomplished exactly squat.

During the week last week:

I was a good girl and had salad for lunch. I believe that warrants a hot dog and a fountain vanilla coke from Greasy Dick’s.
Heh. Greasy Dick’s. Heh.

New iPod Shuffle holds 4 fucking gigs, can fucking TALK, for 79 fucking dollars. Think a trip to the Apple store is in order.

Make that the fucking Apple store. Abso-fucking-lutely.

Comcast, we need to talk about those new uber-creepy ‘Comcast Town’ commercials. Gah.

Chandra Wilson is so the only reason I’m still watching Grey’s Anatomy. Well. That, and Eric Dane’s jawline.
For reals, yo.

Friday again:
This has been the kind of day that only a giant Reese’s peanut butter egg can fix. Guess what I just found at Walgreens? NOMNOMNOM

While watching Dollhouse:
Tahmoh Penikett needs to be more naked on this show. #dollhouse

Saturday A.M.:
My left eye keeps twitching. I think it’s because my kitchen and living room are filthy. So there’s my job for today.

A stern warning:
@flapjackjames Tyler Florence is MINE. BACK OFF, WOMAN.

Needz moar procraztinashun plz kthxbai:
Oh dear lord in heaven, Season 3 of Buffy is on Hulu.

Winding down, now…on Sunday:
Area ‘classic rock’ radio station now playing Nirvana. There you have it, ladies and gentlemen. I. Am. Old. #fuckyouclearchannel No, seriously. Fuck you.

And just today:

Is organic instant oatmeal oxymoronic? Either way, it’s damn tasty.

You’re very cute and I get the ‘look’ you’re going for. But I’m pretty sure if those fake dog tags had a name on them it’d be ‘Douchebag’

See? Comedy gold, in 140 characters or less.

If you’re on Twitter, you should totally follow me. And if you’re not on Twitter, you should be.