IM Confessions, First Edition.

I actually logged into my IM tonight and ended up chatting with my good friend Jess from Wisconsin, whom I haven’t spoken with in a while. I miss her (and our chats) like crazy, and usually while we’re chatting I think to myself, “Oh, I totally need to blog this.”

And so I do.

On my Cougar Bait:

Me: Shia Lebouf does not wear diapers
Jess: his balls haven’t dropped yet
Me: he’s 23
Me: legal
Me: good enough for me
Jess: there’s no fuzz on his peaches
Me: lmfao
Jess: shit hes too young for Demi Moore even
Jess: just saying
Me: I’m younger than Demi Moore, so it’s all good
Jess: lmfao I guess, thats okay then
Me: darn tootin it is
Jess: besides, since I don’t want him, it seems unfair to keep you from him
Jess: I’m sure that you two will be bounding towards each other in a field of flowers in no time
Me: fingers crossed
Jess: lol yes *fingers crossed*

On How Time Flies:

Jess: I can’t believe that it’s almost the end of June already
Me: I know
Me: it’s going so quick
Jess: my mom’s birthday is coming up on the 30th
Me: Peanut’s b-day is the 29th, she’s four already
Me: my BFF’s little one
Jess: shitballs. That time thing is a killer, huh?
Me: indeed
Jess: I remember when you showed me the pics of her right after she was born
Jess: my niece is going to be 15 now
Me: oh man, that’s gotta make you feel old
Me: Baby Cousin’s going to be 15 in July
Me: so I’m right there with you
Jess: lol, not so old as the nieces who are going to be 21 and 23 this year
Me: oh holy shit
Jess: yeah, oh snap
Me: fucking kids
Jess: lol, that’s how I feel about it. Time to off them so I seem younger
Me: lol you got it
Jess: the evil queen’s way of staying young
Me: works for me

On A Complete Lack of Maternal Instincts:

Jess: I think that my mom is trying to pull out all the stops in her new quest for me to procreate
Jess: apparently she and my sister in law have been talking about it
Me: there’s trouble
Jess: Sis in law is about as subtle as a chainsaw
Jess: so I came over to my mom’s last week, and I got to hear about how I shouldn’t get a car without 4 doors, not because it would be impractical for school, but because I WILL HAVE A TOUGH TIME PUTTING A BABY SEAT IN A TWO-DOOR
Jess: kill me
Jess: This defies all logic
Me: has there even been any prospects lately that would give her the idea that you’re thinking about it?
Jess: I’m single, haven’t seen the business end of a penis since before the primary, and yet, I have to focus on where I will put a baby seat in the “near” future?
Me: ok that answers that in the most awesome way possible
Jess: nope, not even a whiff of a man
Jess: Apparently, my ill-spent eggs will start hatching on their own
Me: oooh
Me: like the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park
Me: only scary
Me: On Memorial Day I pretty much told my mom how it is regarding procreation
Me: I was giving Jas a bath
Jess: what did yo tell her?
Me: and he was all over the damn place, as he is wont to do
Jess: lol
Me: there’s much exploring to be done up there, you see.
Me: and he went into the woods AGAIN
Jess: oh geez
Me: after I just yelled at him five fucking times NOT to.
Jess: tick ticky ticky
Me: exactly
Me: that’s how he got the mites last year – there’s foxes in the woods and shit
Jess: yeep
Jess: not cool
Me: and he comes moping back to where I was hosing him down
Jess:lmfao
Me: I just looked at my mom and said, “This? THIS is why I can’t have kids.”I love the little bastard, but he’ll be the death of me. I can’t imagine going through that shit with a small human.