I’m Probably Going To Hell For This But It’s OK Because I’ll See Most Of You Assholes There Anywyay.

So you ask where I’ve been and all I’ve got for you is a dead uncle.

No, really. My uncle died. Well, he was my mom’s uncle, so that technically makes him my great uncle, but I hate saying ‘great-uncle’ because what if that uncle wasn’t so great and because I called him my great-uncle I just made him out to be some awesome uncle who, like, took me for ice cream and let me drive his Camaro when I was 14 and totally didn’t tell my parents when he caught me smoking outside the movie theater in high school when he actually was kind of a dick? Then I’d feel like an asshole because I told you my uncle was great when he actually wasn’t and then you’d feel like an idiot for being all, “Sorry your great uncle is dead” and I was like, “Eh, it’s alright, he was kind of a dick anyway.”?

No? Just me? Thought so. Anyway. My mom’s Uncle Bob died yesterday, and he was totally awesome and it really sucks that he’s gone. He was a wonderful guy – always happy, with a kind word and a smile for everyone he met. I don’t remember a time that I went to their house in the summer that he wasn’t working in the yard, he loved it so. I’ll miss him a lot, but he’s not sick or hurting now, and that’ s the most important thing. Rest now, Uncle Bob. I’ll never forget you.