Dudes. I Don’t Even Know Where to START.

It’s been a really weird couple of weeks for me, let’s just leave it at that. I’ve been fighting off some sort of weird depressive episode, which was brought on by a number of factors, one of which I’ll get to later, and my day to day operations have been severely affected by it. I wake up, I go to work, I come home, I collapse on the sofa. Fun? No. Depressing.

I’m slowly working through it, though; this past weekend really helped, as did a small amount (Small. Very Small. Like minuscule.) of Retail Therapy in the form of Marshall’s Home Goods and Old Navy online. The trip to Marshall’s barely counts because I used my birthday money, so kindly shut it. I finally, finally got an enameled cast iron dutch oven very much like the Le Creuset I’ve been coveting for years, except for a fraction of the price because, hello? Expensive much? And last Monday I ordered a pair of jeans and some cute tops for fall from Old Navy, which have yet to arrive. What the hey, Old Navy? Send me my shit.

As for the weekend, we had some gorgeous fall weather in the Lehigh Valley, and I took advantage of it by…cleaning. (Par-tay!) The house really needed it, too. With all the pouting and laziness of the past few weeks I had kind of let everything go, so Saturday I opened the doors and windows to let in the air and sunshine and went at it.

Sunday was a banner day in that I finally bought my new kitchen floor! Seriously, I cannot tell you how happy this made me. Of course, the floor hasn’t been installed yet, but IT IS IN MY HOUSE. And that’s the most important part. Not sure when Big Poppa wants to install, but will post pics as soon as we do. We’re focusing on getting the kitchen done first, then the living room if all goes well (fingers are crossed).

Let’s see, what else…Oh! I went to Lowe’s over my lunch break today, and had kind of a weird encounter with one of their employees. I was in the seasonal section looking for a winter cover for my air conditioner because we’re so not taking that big bitch out the window this year, and from out of nowhere, 20 feet behind me, some dude is all, “Hi Ma’am! How are you today? Can I help you find anything?!” I looked around, startled, and was all, “Uh, no, I’m cool, thanks.” Dude says, “Okay! Well, just let me know if you need anything!”

This might have been nice and not at all creepy had he not already been helping another customer and also not 20 feet away from me talking to me while my back was turned. I then recalled seeing this very same fellow a few weeks ago when I stopped into this very same Lowe’s and he reacted the very same way. While I was in line to check out. As a matter of fact, at the time it was so peculiar that the person in line in front of me said, “I thought he knew you or something.” Uh, no. Not at all. Needless to say, when I saw this ever so helpful and not at all creepy Ohmifuggingod so creepy fellow by himself walking towards me I shot down another aisle and got my ass out of there. I’ve since been assured that many Lowe’s employees of the male persuasion react in the same manner when there’s breasts about, but all the same, I don’t believe I’ll be returning to that particular Lowe’s by myself any time soon.

And finally, the bad news. And I have to write this part because it’ll help to get it out, no matter how much it sucks. My great-aunt Madlyn, the wife of my great-uncle Bob and the mother to my cousin Randy, passed away two weeks ago after a three year battle with pancreatic cancer. Three years. With pancreatic cancer. If you know anything at all about pancreatic CA, you know that surviving with it for three years is unheard of. I like to think the fact she fought so long is a testament to the kind of woman my Aunt Madlyn was.

My great-aunt Madlyn was the woman in my family that never forgot a birthday, ever. She made sure we all – every kid in the family- got ‘just a little something’ for Christmas and Easter. If any of us made the newspaper for anything; sports, honor roll, engagement or birth announcements; she kept the clipping in a scrap book. She could keep you on the phone for hours at a time. She made the best fruit salad ever. She loved her family, all of us, to no end. And now she’s gone. Sometimes you don’t realize just how fucking much you love someone until they leave you, you know? I’ll always remember Aunt Madlyn. I’ll always try to love as much as she did. I’ll always be grateful to her for being the mother my mom should have had, and the friend she needed the most. One day it’s going to stop hurting to think about her. One day I’m just going to remember how wonderful she was, instead of how much I miss her. I know it won’t be soon.

Until then I’m coping, and avoiding the creepy dudes at Lowe’s.

2 thoughts on “Dudes. I Don’t Even Know Where to START.

  1. Sorry to hear about your loss. I've been in the same type o funk for a couple weeks myself. Then today is the birthday of my friend who committed suicide in December, so… I don't see this week getting any better soon.. This weekend I will be officially caught up on all my homework so I plan to start my plan of attack on cleaning my house to. It's a good stress relief, I think. Hang in there girlie. Ciao. xo

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