So I have this shirt.
“Momma, you have a follow up with Dr. R. on Tuesday, how’s your knee feeling?”
I spent some time on the phone today calling a couple different companies inquiring about phone, internet, and TV service because my bill had become outrageous – to the tune of $270 a month.
Me, to Wilson: “Look at this!”
Ok, so! I have a (slightly[probably only to me]) amusing story to tell you about my adventures today. But it’s one of those stories that you need to hear about three different back stories on, so bear with me.
brother from another mother closest work friend Wilson just told me this week that his wife is expecting their second child. I reacted in the typical girl fashion; that is to say I squealed, clapped my hands, jumped up and down, and tackle/hugged him until he said, “Okay, okay, shh.”
I tend to get excited at good news. Ask my BFF J, who gave me the same news as Wilson did earlier this week and I almost dropped the phone. (Yep, I’m going to be ‘Aunt Jenn’ again, I’m so thrilled for J & E. I’m also not drinking the water, because. Dude. So many babies!)
Anyway. With impending baby news comes impending ‘What are we going to name the baby’ speculation, and Wilson wasted no time combing websites looking for names for his (possibly) baby boy. I rallied for Lucius. As in Malfoy. Wilson’s wife J shot it down hard. Sad Panda.
They’re looking for a name that goes with their chosen middle name (a family name), Justice, which just made this the most awesome game ever. I’ve taken to inter-office emailing him when inspiration strikes. Here are just a few of my favorites.
Subj: I’ve Got It.
Knight Ryder Wilson.
Subj:Re:I’ve Got It.
Stark Justice Wilson.
Dude. You are FUCKING WELCOME.
Steel Justice Wilson.
AM BABY-NAMING GENIUS. NEED TO WRITE BOOK ON NAMING BABIES.
Didn’t get a reply to this one, actually.
Big mistake, Wilson. Huge.
Now I start to get desperate.
TRIPPER. AS IN JACK.
You know, Three’s Company?
The hell? THIS IS BABY-NAMING GOLD. YOU ARE MISSING OUT, MR. WILSON.
The Hail Mary:
I’m entirely underappreciated.
Wilson told me later that so far he and J are liking the name Logan.
“Like Wolverine, snikt snikt?” I said, hopefully, making Wolverine hands (like jazz hands! Only with pantomiming Adamantium claws!)
“As in Wolverine, snikt snikt.”
“I suppose that’s fine.”
Before Dinner, 5 PM
Me via FB: Dinner tonight at the Melting Pot, tomorrow at Cactus Blue. Saving money, I’m doing it wrong.
Cheryl via FB: Dinner at the melting pot 🙂
Me, to Cheryl: mmmm, this wine is good.
Me via Twitter: Mmmmm, Gerwurztraminer.
Cheryl, to me: That was good, but I’m still hungry. And those martinis look fantastic.
Me: NO MORE DRINKS. We’ll stop at McDonald’s or something, get you something to sober up.
Cheryl: OOOH, FRENCH FRIES!
Me: Yes, we’ll get you some french fries.
Cheryl: I want some onion rings. Like the beer battered kind. Not those breaded shits I can buy in the store. Seriously, fuck those kind.
Me via FB: BTW, Cheryl on two glasses of White Zin? Hilarioussss. (Also seen here.)
Me: I don’t feel like going home yet, it’s early.
Cheryl: Me, either.
Me: OOH! We should go to the Sands!
Upon leaving the restaurant, we pass a small cafe that has closed for the evening with their menu posted on the window.
Me, via Twitter: Heading to The Sands with drunk bitch in tow.
And it all goes downhill from there. There was gambling, boobs, creepers, fantastic Irish coffee, and humping of dessert products. And because of facebook and Twitter, it’s all been recorded for internet posterity.
Thanks, social media.
I’ve been trying to think of something to write about, but most of the funny shit that’s happened lately has been that you-had-to-be-there kind of shit and I try to write about them but the words come out all wrong and halfway through the post it’s so not funny anymore so what the hell is the point of boring you with it so I give up and end up not posting for
weeks days at a time.
“Orange is a fruit, not a skin color. Give the spray tanner a rest.”
“Sweetie, you’ve got eleventy billion pictures of yourself making the same face at the same angle. Two things you should know: 1.You are not as cute as you think. 2. Keep this up and your friends will see you for what you really are, which is a raging narcissist. Now put the camera down and back away slowly.”
“Oooh, cute baby. Who’s the daddy?”
“Please, for the love of all that is holy, STOP making the kissy face and throwing up the peace sign. It’s cliched and annoying.”
“Dude. You’re on Facebook. PUT THE BONG AWAY.”
“Uh, hate to rain on your parade and everything, but I was wondering if you’d realized that you are, in fact, white?”
“Hmmm. Warm enough for booty shorts, a tank top, and flimsy plastic flip flops, yet cold enough to need that hipster scarf around your neck. Curious.”
“So what are the Gotti boys really like?”
I’m amazed I have any friends at all, really.